Things you don't say to your wife

Let me tell you a story...


David went to a small Christian high school in Hillsboro called Faith Bible. He was a part of a very small graduating class, and left a big impression on everyone there. One day a couple months ago we drove past his school and he wanted to introduce me to his old teachers and show me his old stomping grounds.


I loved it! His school was so quaint compared to the giant school I came from (Reynolds is the biggest high school in the state. It has about 3,000 students a year).


Anyway, he introduced me to an old teacher (literally, she was a bit on the older side). When she saw David she was really excited and looked to me. David explained that I was his wife and, Mrs. Teacher looked directly at my stomach and goes, "YOUR PREGNANT!"


(I'm not.)


Her ENTIRE class of seniors burst out in laughter while I explained that no, my shirt dress was not a maternity shirt, and no we were not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon.


Needless to say, the whole ordeal was embarrassing for everyone. I just recently tried that dress on again. It was traumatic, haha. 


I know she didn't mean anything by it, but having a woman tell you (in front of a HUGE class of teenagers) you look pregnant when you aren't isn't necessarily a confidence booster.


That being said, have you ever said something you wish you hadn't? I don't mean a big regrettable dramatic statement, I mean a "OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE PREGNANT!" type moment?


David has these from time to time.


Being together for a couple years so far, David has said some things that make make us
laugh and laugh, saying, "Nope, that's probably not something you want to say to your wife."


So, for all of you soon-to-be-newlyweds, current love birds, or hopeful romantics, heed this advice and do NOT say these sorts of things to your loved one.

• Even though it sounds cute in your head, calling your wife a muffin top is not a compliment, nor will she take it that way
• Neither will saying, "You look like Bellatrix Lestrange" (even if you try and catch yourself and amend it to, "Your hair looks like Bellatrix Lestrange. Just your hair!")
• Neither will saying, "You look like Ray Charles in those sunglasses."

Haha, of course David hasn't meant anything by it and it's hilarious, but still.

I am sure more will come to me as I think more about this post later, so look back and I may have updated it with more of his crazy lines. :)

Tim Hawkins, a comedian/musician, has a pretty awesome list of things to avoid saying to your wife too. Please check it out, and add those to my list. 

Haha, I love it. Best of luck to you all! :)

(*I want to make it clear that David is an amazing husband and I am so blessed to be his wife. This post is meant entirely to be playful and funny.*)

:)